Catching up...

So, I have an embarassing admission. In my younger days, I was apparently foolish enough to purchase Bloodrayne. The movie.

I know.

I played the video game, Bloodrayne, and enjoyed it quite a bit. I've since re-read some reviews, and thankfully, time has blurred some of the frustrations that I half remember when reminded. Interestingly enough, I played Bloodrayne on the Gamecube. I was a Gamecube owner, and that was my sole gaming console for most of the previous generation of gaming. So, when it was announced that Bloodrayne 2 wouldn't be making an appearence on the Gamecube, I was pretty upset.

Where is this going? Read on!

When I made the shameful purchase of the HORRIBLE Bloodrayne movie, it came with the PC version of Bloodrayne 2. At the time I didn't have a computer that could handle it, so I let it sit in the case. Then this month comes along. I've incurred some automotive expenses recently (no wrecks or anything) and as such I need to save a little money. I still have the video game itch to scratch though. The time was ripe for a revisit to the world of Bloodrayne.

I installed the game. Being used to the PC genre, I did a quick search for patches, and came across an unofficial patch, which added some graphical improvements to the game. Bonus! I started it up and began playing. The graphics were a bit dated, but much improved by the patch. The dialogue was a bit stilted in the cutscenes. I know that Bela Lugosi popularized the "I never drink... wine" turn of phrase for vampires, but does every piece of contemporary vampire fiction have to feature this "homage?" Anyway, I enjoyed playing the game. It was pretty short, maybe around 8 hours or so. But it was fun. If you read the reviews it has repetitive combat and some very oddball puzzles that often times I only solved by chance. It has all of these negatives, but still, I thought it was fun.

The strange thing about this game is that it seems to want to be taken somewhat seriously, but... BOOBS. I guess not just boobs, most of the female anatomy. The titular character runs around in skintight leather, with ample cleavage and a bare midriff. One of the primary enemies is a bondage queen, and the other is naked with artistic shading and moving tattoos. I know, I know, Vampires are sexy, it's part of the genre. To me it seems like there was a director or producer for the game with some great artistic vision and plot in mind, but the only people he could get to work with him were pubescent boys.

Now, I am such a geek that, given the flimsiest threads of story and hints of a larger worldspace, my mind somersaults into action creating a deep backstory and lavish surroundings in fictional works. This game was a bit strange. Throughout the whole game, the dialogue is pretty focused on what is happening in the here and now. As far as we can tell, this city that Rayne is in, is the whole world. Kind of a Matrix or Dark City kind of thing. SPOILER ALERT! But then, at the end, suddenly there is a big budget full motion video showing the vampires from another part of the world upset with events in the city. It also shows the Brimstone Society's current situation. The whole thing was very strange. Of course it set the game up for a sequel, and maybe that was the only point. I don't know.

I guess I have to put the Bloodrayne games up as guilty pleasures for me. They are certainly not great games. I'm sure that many would call them bad. But I found fun in them, and perhaps in some future installment we will get more than just an excuse to see a "hot" half-vampire slashing her way through mindless foes. And if you are very good Virginia, a movie not directed by Uwe Boll.